It Hurts to Look at You
by BitterSweet3
Summary: Hell, all life is accident, every bit of it--who you fall in love with, what grabs you, and what you do with it..."
1. ONE

[It Hurts to Look at You] [by Bittersweet]  
  
ONE  
  
"Oh Jack. stop, you're embarrassing me!" pause "What's that? You think I'm the most beautiful girl you have ever seen?" pause "You want to. kiss me!" pause "Well pucker up big boy!"  
  
A tall and lanky girl of about 15 or so sat Indian style on her bed. Her thin dirty-blond hair was pulled into pigtails on either side of her head, and she had big, thick glasses that hindered her sight more then they helped. She sat holding a picture; an old photo from The Journal framed, clenched tightly in her arms.  
  
"What's that Mush, you want some of this too?" pause "Well, I'm sorry but I'm a one-woman man," pressing her chapped lips onto the glass of the picture frame, she began to kiss the picture ferociously. "Oh Jack I love you so much," she said through clenched teeth, longingly looking at the old photo. And then out came the tongue. moving up and down, all around.  
  
"Oh my God, what are you doing?"  
  
She sat completely still, hoping if she didn't move at all, maybe she'd turn invisible. She just sucked her tongue back into her mouth and sat there, her left eye twitching.  
  
"Hello? Claire?" Her sister moved closer to her, until she got about an inch away from her face. "You are so bizarre," she said into her ear.  
  
All Claire caught of her was her long brown hair trailing behind her like the tail of a shooting star as she left the room.  
  
Claire set her photo down on her nightstand gently, and felt her face turning red with anger. "Ohhh, cause you're soo perfect Dorothy," she said, her body beginning to fidget. She then stood up and began to imitate her sisters dialect and posture, "I'm Dorothy and I am the most perfect 18 year old on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge."  
  
"Oh, and Claire," said Dorothy walking into the room one more time. When she saw her younger sister, she raised her eyebrow un-approvingly.  
  
Claire froze, and slowly fell down on her bed. "Learn how to knock Dorothy," she said trying to sound like a lion, but unfortunately it came out like a mouse. She fixed her glasses and peered at her older sister.  
  
"Listen, I just wanted to tell you to get lost tonight because I'm having ::cough:: company."  
  
Claire rolled her eyes, "You mean your sleezebag boyfriend Larry. Fine, I'll get lost, as long as you do! School!"  
  
Dorothy gave a pathetic laugh and left the room, her hair still flowing behind her. Claire began to fidget again and imitated her sister again as well. "Oh Larry!" She said grabbing her chest, "Take me!" She flailed her arms all around, opening them wide and broad and with a fidget, she saw herself flying backwards. ((THUD)) "Ouch." She said insipidly, fixing her glasses.  
  
"Claire darling, Penny's here!" Shouted her mother from the next room.  
  
"Yeah, send her in Mah," said Claire, beginning to stand up and dust herself off.  
  
"Hi Claire!" Said Penny, Claire's very best friend in the whole world. She had thin red hair and wore her skirt hiked up as far as it would go. Her un- naturally squeaky and high voice had a really wretched effect on some people, but Claire was used to it. Penny clenched in her hand an edition of the New York World.  
  
"Who'd you buy that from?" Said a frantic Claire as she hopped over the bed to sniff the paper and perused for smudges and fingerprints.  
  
"I don't know," squeaked Penny pulling the paper away from Claire with a look of disgust in her eyes.  
  
"Was it.. Jack?" Asked Claire, her eyes hopeful and dreamy.  
  
"I don't know their names Claire, I just buy my papers from them." She nodded knowingly.  
  
Claire looked at her hurtfully, and then grabbed the framed photo she had of the boys. "Was is this one?" She pointed to Jack's picture.  
  
"No," she looked at the picture; "it was that one." She pointed to Kid- Blink. "Claire, who's this Jack you keep talking about? I feel like you're hiding something from me."  
  
"Oh Penny, he' the most handsome and talented boy in the whole world. I plan on marrying him, but all I really want from him is."  
  
"What do you want from him Claire?"  
  
"A kiss!"  
  
Penny rolled her eyes, but let her keep going.  
  
"He's so beautiful, it ugh, it hurts to look at him!" She said, grasping her picture next to her heart.  
  
"You're so bizarre Claire." Said Dorothy from the doorway.  
  
"Dorothy get out!" said an embarrassed Claire, picking up a pillow and throwing it at her.  
  
Penny friend to comfort her, "It's OK Claire, I'm sure she doesn't know who you're talking about."  
  
Claire heaved in a huge sigh, and looked longingly at her picture, "I'll show her, don't you worry about me Penny." 


	2. TWO

[it hurts to look at you]

[by bittersweet]

SHOUT OUTS:

Gypsy: Haha, thanks man. I think it's pretty creative and original too! I'm so sick of seeing 'Girl Running away from her past she's perfect and all the boys love her'. I enjoy humor, and it's almost sad, and sick that I enjoy myself so much. I was writing the kissing scene and I was laughing my ass off. It was such good times. So, mwaha, thanks a bunch! I feel so sad and pathetic that I only got two reviews, but thanks for leaving one! I'll have to check out your stuff. :oP thanks!

Glimmer: Why, thank you! Yeah, the sister is an evil whorish bitch who treats her younger sister like crapola. Although I am not unbelievably geeky and freakish, the sister is somewhat modeled after my whorish and bitch sister. :o) Good times good times, thanks for the review and… uh, rock and roll!

TWO

"Claire," rang Penny's voice in exclamation, "WAKE UP CLAIRE!" She began to wheeze. 

"Penny," Claire blinked up at her, "It's not even dawn yet, be quiet."

"Claire, look around you." Squeaked Penny's voice, "We're on a bench in Central Park."

Claire twitched up to her full-fledged sitting capacity, and squinted all around her. "Wow, you're right Penny. Neat." She said, almost still asleep.

"Hello, CENTRAL PARK! This is where all the crimes take place Claire, this is where people," she stopped to look around her, "get raped."

"Oh Penny," smirked Claire rolling her eyes at her friend, "I highly doubt anyone tried to rape us last night."

"Uh, maybe this is a bad time to interrupt this conversation ladies, but you look a little lost." His thick New York accent just dripping with sex appeal along with everything to go with it. 

Claire just stared at him, her mouth hanging open.

"Well sir," began Penny, "My friend Claire and I were supposed to spend last night at my house but last night when we were walking from her house to my house we saw lights over in Central Park."

"Ah, I see." Said the boy.

"So, I said to her, I said, 'Claire, my mother wanted us to come straight home', and her being her, she dragged me over here."

"Uh huh."

"So, it turns out there was some boat competition over in the pond, that we just _had _to sign up for. Well, we got a little crazy, and ended up spending the night here in Central Park."

"So you're not lost?" he said taking a seat next to Penny.

"Gosh no, I live down the street. But heck, was it scary waking up here, in Central Park!"

He looked at her for a minute; "I lived here for about a month."

Penny swallowed, and her eyes grew large like grapefruits. "Gosh sir, I'm so sorry."

He chuckled, letting out the kindest laugh either of the girls had ever heard. "Well," he started, "I don't live here any more, now do I? So I guess I'm doing OK." Penny laughed nervously, "By the way, I'm Jack." 

He held his hand out to her; they looked so big and worn. Penny looked at it for a minute, and fixed her skirt. Her voice was more nervous then Claire ever heard it, it got even higher when she was nervous. "Uhhh, Penny."

"And you must be, Claire?" he said smiling at her, holding out his hand to her as well.

She just looked at it; she looked at his hand and studied each crease, each particle of dirt. He pulled his hand away and looked at her like she was crazy. Her eyes grew large as her head turned up and she found herself looking face to face with Jack Kelly. A goofy grin spread across her face as she looked at him, until she felt herself moving closer to him. 

"What are you doing?" he said standing up suddenly.

Claire blinked out of her daze and realized what she was just attempting to do. She wasn't trying to kiss him, it was almost like there were magnets attached to his mouth and she needed to reconnect. He was so perfect in every way; she didn't know how to act.

"Penny, what's up with your friend? She mute or something?" He said looking hopefully at Penny.

Penny hit Claire in the head and smiled fakely at Jack. "Oh no she's not mute, it's just, uh, early."

Jack looked unsurely at Claire, and she still couldn't talk. Face to face with Jack Kelly, she was speechless. Then he looked at Penny and smiled and laughed, "Uh, I'll be seeing you around then, I hope."

"Hopefully," said Penny trying to fix her hair. And watched as he walked away.

"Claire! Did you see that HUNK?" Said Penny, beginning to wheeze and loose her cool.

"Penny, do you not remember the JACK KELLY I was telling you about?" said Claire almost violently.

Then the excitement in Penny's face went out like a light, and her posture slumped. "Oh, yeah," she said hopelessly.

Claire had seen the spark between her geeky friend Penny and the ever-handsome Jack Kelly but, 'I saw him first' she thought to herself. After she made that thought she stopped herself and wondered if that was too harsh. 'Nah," she thought to herself and continued to plan her and Jack's wedding in her head.


	3. THREE

[it hurts to look at you]

[bittersweet]

The next morning Claire woke up earlier then usual. 

"Honey, what are you doing?" her mother asked her from her bed down the hall as she heard the bustle of Claire grabbing her thick prescription glasses from the unsteady night stand that sat beside her bed that she managed to knock over every time.

"Nothing Momma," she said as she pulled her thin robe to shield the draftiness of her thin nightgown. She retreated to the bathroom where she looked at herself in the mirror. She sat there for a moment, staring at herself. She pulled at her skin, poking it and stretching it. She looked at the dark circles under her eyes, and her thin and ratty hair that rest inexorably on her shoulders.

She pumped water into the bathtub, filling it up until her arms grew tired. She stripped off her clothes, and stepped into the tub, one foot at a time. She stood there for a minute. The steam of the water exciting the hair on her arms and legs, until she leaned down, wrapping her arms around her legs. Resting there for a moment.

Then she fell back carelessly and let her entire body sink to the bottom of the tub where she sat holding her breathe chipmunk cheeks and scrunched up nose.

She took the bar of soap and scrubbed furiously at her skin, scrubbing harder and faster then she had ever done before. When she had covered every square inch of her body she looked closely at the raw skin in front her, satisfied with the result.

She rose out of the water, shaking ferociously as her inundated body left the warmth of the soapy water. She wrapped herself in a towel and stood in front of the mirror squinting at herself, reaching for her glasses. She put them on and touched her hair, it was already halfway dry considering the thinness of her hair, and she brushed her fingers through it considerably to get out the tangles. She reached into the drawer and pulled out the curlers, sloppily placing them wherever she felt necessary. She pulled and tugged at her hair wrapping it around and around until there was no more hair to wrap. The curlers hung low and droopy when she stopped to look at herself, but seemed she contented all the same.

She wrapped her robe around herself closely, pulling the string tight to her body. Then she carefully opened the door and checked down both sides of the hall.

She got up to her tiptoe-toes and snuck down the hall, trying to reach her sisters room without making a sound. She carefully opened the door, avoiding the squeak of the hinge by opening the door partially. She looked at her sister sleeping soundly in her bed and had the biggest desire to steal the scissors of her bureau and chop off her ponytail. "_No, No," _she thought to herself, "_I'm on a mission_." 

As quietly as she could she reached the other side of the room and reached into her sisters lower most drawer, pulling out a soft pink box. She opened it to check it's contents and smiled a toothy grin. She tucked it snuggly under her arm and opened her sister's closet carefully. She opened the door wide and stood in front of it, exploring brilliant colors that exploded from behind the rigid little door. She admired her sister's collection before pulling out the dress that her sister had hidden way in the back so that her mother wouldn't find it. The dress her sister had worn at Irving Hall when she had to help Medda to save up some extra cash. A red and black low cut number that showed more leg then Claire had to offer. She smiled and tucked that under her arm as well, while grabbing a pair of strappy black heels from the bottom of the closet before sneaking out of the room once more. 

She took the pink box and set it on the counter in the bathroom and opened it wide. A beautiful array of makeup shone at her as she thrashed it all around to find what she was looking for. She pulled out pink blush, blue eye shadow and the real clencher, the deep red lipstick. She layered on the blush thickly, as well as the eye shadow. Her blue lids disappeared within the blue of her eyes and she layered mascara onto her lashes. She uncapped the red lipstick and eyed it quickly before drowning her lips in the sea of red. She exageratingly smacked her lips together and fluttered her lashes.

She took the dress off of the hanger and slipped it on carefully, avoiding tearing the delicate fabric. She zippered it up, quite smoothly being that it was to big in certain areas. She looked at herself in the mirror, then looked at her feet in which she had tried to put the strappy heels on over her socks. She frowned and took her socks off before putting her shoes back on. She stood with her socks in her hands for a moment, before looking both ways and stuffing them down the front of her dress.

She took out the curlers carefully one by one and wrapped a big red bow around her head. She stepped back and looked at herself full length in the mirror. She put her hand on her hip and attempted all sorts of 'sexy' looks she could try.

She shrugged at herself, threw off her glasses, and headed towards the door. ((BOOM)) She next hit the door head on, gathered herself, and headed out more time, avoiding another collision.

Claire rounded many corners on her way to her destination, each step she took attracting more and more stares. She was headed to Central Park, the same place she had seen Jack Kelly the previous morning.

When she entered the park and headed towards the exact spot she had last seen him, a familiar figure stood waiting.

"Penny?" Claire said while putting her hand on her hip and slightly tripping over her own shoes.

"Claire!!!!!" Penny gasped, her jaw dropping to the ground. "Claire, what are you wearing?" She wheezed, and looked around to make sure that no one noticed that they were conversing.

"Oh Penny, you're such a child," smirked Claire as she walked closer, her ankles folding over with every step, adjusting to the heels that she'd never worn.

"Claire, you're mom is going to kill you," she squeaked, "why are you doing this?"

"For Jack," Claire said gazing off, noticing him as he approached and trying to contain all of her sexual energy so that it could explode when they caught each other's glances. "Yoo-hoo! Jack!" She smiled waving to him viciously.

"Hey Penny!" said Jack as he ran closer to the girls, running straight past Claire in all of her mature glamour.

Penny turned red and nodded a hello. "I'll take one please," she said holding out a dime and smiling shyly. 

Jack made sure to touch her hand as he took the dime, brushing his against hers with utmost precision.

Claire began to get restless and couldn't watch this happen right in front of her. She fixed the socks in her bra and put her hands on her hips, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling as best she could, giving her best 'sexy' looks that she had practiced in the bathroom.

Jack was lost in Penny's eyes, but when he noticed the squirming thing that stood beside him, he slowly turned his head. He tilted his head slowly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine sugar!" she said, trying to show some more leg by lifting up her dress and perk out her breasts. She smiled wider, so wide that it hurt her red covered lips.

He opened his eyes widely and looked at the ground. She winked at him noticeably and held out a dime.

He grabbed the dime reluctantly and handed her a paper, avoiding making any eye contact. Then he looked at Penny hopefully and held his arm out to her.

She looked at him reluctantly, then looked at Claire. She mouthed a sorry, and grabbed his arm. 

As they were turning away, linked arm in arm, Jack stopped suddenly and walked back to Claire. "You have lipstick in your teeth," he said with a quick wink, and jogged back to catch up with Penny.

__


	4. FOUR

[It Hurts to Look at You]

[bittersweet]

disclaimer: this is my disclaiming that I own those names that you don't recognize.

Obviously.

---

Claire slumped down on the nearest park bench, the splintery wood scratching against her bare back. She rubbed at her face, ruining every trace of makeup she had on, which left her hands black, blue and red. She rubbed desperately at her lips, trying to rub the lipstick off what were once flesh covered lips. Her lips were left raw and chapped, with a ring of red that had smudged out of the lines.

Her eyes grew puffy as she reached into the front of her dress, pulling the socks out along with the glasses she had stuff in there. She put them on, trying to cover the tears that she felt swelling in her tear ducts.

When she looked up from putting her glasses on a warm and welcoming face greeted her.

"Hey there doll face," he spoke to her with a wink.

Her face turned horrified as she looked at him, "What do you want?"

She said dramatically, making sure that it didn't look at if they were actually talking.

It was Jake, the Newsie that no one liked. He didn't even have a nickname as far as she was concerned, which meant that he obviously was worth nothing. She adjusted her glasses and spoke to him insolently, like he was way under her.

The evil looks that sprouted from behind her glasses latched his, and a pit began to grow inside his stomach. "I'm sorry," he muttered as he walked in the opposite direction, dragging his feet in the dryness of the dirt. The solid truth was that he had been watching Claire. From the first day he had eyed her he told himself that that geeky and awkward girl was the one for him. He sighed loudly and clenched his papers tight in his fist.

He looked at Jack and Penny, across the park. He wondered what was wrong with Jack, _the _Jack Kelly who could get any girl he wanted. Why would he be going for someone like Penny? He could hear the squeakiness of her voice from across the park, but had also noticed that she hadn't hiked up her skirt as high as usual.

Then he looked at Claire all dolled up in her fancy dress and hair, sobbing silently on the bench as her best friend was off with the man she adored.

Jake snickered loudly. Rubbing his hands together and laughing evilly. "Mwaha. Mwaha. MWAHAHA." He stopped when he saw people beginning to look concerned for him, and left the remainders of his papers for the squirrel that had been patient enough to hear this story.

Jake was on a mission to win Claire's heart. Claire was on a mission to win Jack's heart. Hell, all life is accident, every bit of it--who you fall in love with, what grabs you, and what you do with it...

--

There shall be no shout outs today due to lack of reviews last time. If you'd like your name to appear you better review. Alas, I shall kick your bum!

Mad love and lobster claws,

Sarah aka bittersweet.

(grabs jack and benji, introducing them to the world)


	5. FIVE

[It Hurts to Look at you.]  
  
By Bittersweet  
  
Claire stood in front of her full-length mirror, changed out of her flashy dress, and into the clothes that made her who she was. She was so discontented with what she saw that she felt tears dwelling once more. She stood there, wondering what Penny, her best friend, had that she didn't. Sure, she knew she wasn't the most beautiful girl in town, nor the smartest, or the funniest, or the easiest, she was just herself. Plain and simple.  
  
"Claire," Dorothy stood leaning in the doorway.  
  
She managed to turn herself around; her eyes still smudged with makeup from that morning. Her hair was knotted and pulled sloppily into a ribbon, and she had missed several of the buttons on her dress, leaving it lopsided and sloppy looking. She couldn't help but laugh at her sister; she was so awkward and geeky. She used to wonder for hours how in God's name they could be related. But, her eyes were puffy and sad, and Dorothy saw a cry for help when someone needed it, even if it was her younger sister. No words were needed to describe how both of the sisters were feeling at this moment; awkward. They'd never really had a truthful important civilized conversation, even amongst all of their teenage years.  
  
Claire stood there, her arms limp and lifeless, like thread hanging from a dress or shirt. She looked so sad and pathetic, and Dorothy thought about the situation at hand for a moment before trying to give her sister some words of encouragement. She was new at this talking to her sister thing, and knew that if she didn't help, she'd never get into heaven.  
  
"Go away Dorothy," Claire's voice sounded far off as she slumped down onto her bed and turned over the picture of the newsboys that lay on her nightstand with a thud. She threw her upperbody against the bed, the springs making her bounce slightly, and letting out a loud melodramatic sigh. Dorothy stood still in the doorway. "I mean it, OUT!"  
  
Dorothy walked over to the bed, flipping her hair to her opposite shoulder. "I think we need to-- talk."  
  
Claire sat up abruptly, practically jumping up from the bed, making sure that it was the same sister from the day before. She squinted at her older sister, and then looked around the room to see if there was another party that she was not aware of.  
  
She gulped, "You want to talk to-- me?"  
  
Dorothy knew that it was too late to pick up her skirt and flee from the scene, but she knew she had to go through with this. "Come on, we talk," she said unsurely, almost as though a question mark appeared at the end of each sentence.  
  
Claire stared at her blankly.  
  
"Sister's talk all the time," Dorothy reassured herself, twirling a strand of her hair like she did whenever she was nervous.  
  
They sat there, staring at each other. Each unsure of what to say or how to say it, both with a nauseous feeling imbedded in the pit of their stomach.  
  
"So..." Claire interrupted the staring contest, her voice shaky and unsure of itself. [cough] "Something you'd like to tell me Claire?" Dorothy began, crossing her legs and flipping her hair over her other shoulder.  
  
"Bad morning," she scoffed, flinging her body back onto the bed and covering her face with a pillow. "Leave me here to die."  
  
Dorothy contemplated on whether or not leaving her sister there to die would be the best decision, but decided against it. "Please talk to me Claire, I can help!" she said, nudging her sister's knee and pleading.  
  
"Why do you care? You hate me." Claire said, grabbing another pillow from her bed and stuffing it on top of the other one. She sat there, holding her breathe. Not wanting to die, but at least willing to pass out to escape from the emptiness of her life.  
  
Dorothy's jaw dropped, and the pit in the bottom of her stomach grew larger. She too suddenly felt depressed. She let out a large sigh; rolled her eyes; and flung her upper body back onto the bed. She lifted up one of the pillows and stared at her little sister.  
  
"Talk."  
  
"I'm in love."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
Dorothy felt better having had this little chat, and decided that they should do it more often. She felt the weight of the world lift from her shoulders, and she no longer felt like she was in need of a massage.  
  
"Any ideas on how--" Claire began but was cut off shortly by her sister.  
  
"That was a really nice little chat little sister, we should do this more often." She said smiling; obviously feeling impressed with herself for having taken time out of her busy schedule to help another, especially her sibling. She sat up from the bed, kicking a leg up as she did so. She got up from the bed and adjusted her skirt slightly, making sure it was perfect. She patted her sister on the knee, and began walking out of the room, shaking her hips and throwing her hair over her shoulder.  
  
"How do you do it?" came Claire's sad voice from the bed.  
  
She turned around abruptly, and looked at the poor little girl who sat Indian style on a twin bed with a faded pink quilt made by her grandma the day she was born. She looked like a little kid again, who had gotten into her mothers makeup kit, and had smudged it around in the most random of places. Innocence and insecurity practically bled out of her eyes and ears as Dorothy fixed her eyes on her sister, looking so helpless and incompetent. "How do I do what?"  
  
"You're so," she paused, searching for the right word, "cool."  
  
Her heart softened. She sauntered back to the bed, and put an arm around her sister. "You don't have to be cool Claire," she said, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face, she grabbed her chin and held it up high, "You just have to be you."  
  
Claire and Dorothy weren't able to look at each other after their sentimental moment. Both too embarrassed to admit to the sad truth that they had bonded in one way or the other. If nothing, they were worse off to each other, snapping and yelping every chance they had in front of their parents, not wanting to maybe hint that they had an actual conversation. And I'm sure if you asked them; they'd deny it.  
  
Claire sat in bed that same night, with nothing but a candle burning. She grasped the picture tightly in her hands, resisting the urge to smudge her lips all over it ferociously. "If I want him, I can't be me." She sighed, contemplating all of the choices that lay ahead of her if she wanted to win Jack's heart, and she did want to win Jack's heart, nothing was more certain than that. While out with her mother that day she had collected a series of "new persona's" she could take, basically flyers she'd found all around town advertising new and exciting things.  
  
She scanned each page, perusing them slowly, making sure that there was nothing she couldn't do.  
  
"Model -pause- nah. Actress -pause- nah. Dancer -pause- nah." Just as she was beginning to feel sorry for herself, giving up all hope, the last paper in the bottom of the paper salvaged all of her hopes.  
  
Wanted: Newsgirls! Are you looking to make some serious money and make some life-long friends? We need some hardy girls who are willing to work long hours, lug around large and heavy newspapers, bear back-breaking work, walk hundreds of miles per day, and is able to sing, dance and act like a real professional! If you qualify for these few topics then drop by the distribution center by June 18th and we'll give you your first 20 papers for free!  
  
Claire ripped this page from the stack and put it right next to her bed, weighing it down with the frame from the picture. She'd arise early the next morning to see about her new job, but until then, she said her prayers, blew out her candle, and was determined to win Jack's heart by the end of the day. 


End file.
